Keep Calm and Carry On.

You know, the beauty of writing here is that there is the possibility of no one and everyone reading this blog all at the same time.  This is great because it gives me a supposed audience.  Although the exact quote escapes me right this moment, one of my favorite writers, Margaret Atwood wrote in the Handmaid's Tale about how she wrote her audience into existence.  The simple act of of my writing this down creates a reader.

So, I feel that when I sit down to write I need to give that reader something of value.  I also feel, due to the nature of this blog, I have a semi-commitment to staying "on topic".  Finally, I'm not sure how much of my personal life I want to impart.

Where am I going with all of this?  You see, while the project HAS been continuing on, I've been struggling with something and it's taking up all of my resources and I've been debating whether or not to share it.

Here goes;

I've been rather sick lately and have been recently diagnosed with a disease that would fall under the topic of "Women's Issues" (a term my 76 year old German Mother-in-Law likes to use).  Although most of the symptoms are basically discomforts it does have some larger ramifications that I'm dealing with both physically and emotionally.

It is a difficult thing when the thing we most rely on to function properly, our bodies, betrays us.  There are people far sicker and with far more serious diseases than I and I do not know how they deal with the idea that their body simply let them down.  I placed my faith in my body that it would work when I wanted it to work for as long as I wanted it to work (which I hope will still be for many, many years).  It's a shocking slap in the face when I need to look at my lifestyle and the things I chose to put in and do to my body to see that maybe this was a two-sided relationship and I was just a "taker" and mostly not a "giver".  That this was likely an abusive relationship.  Although, my "issue" is not something I created and something I had absolutely no control over, I can't help but feel that maybe my body feels like I betrayed it too.

So, this is where I am at.

I am also this very second (and all the other seconds of this month) wearing brown  Tomorrow is my husbands birthday and I made him a little clay heart.  As I type this I'm listening to Sarah Brightman sing "Vide cor Meum" (and it's a heartbreakingly beautiful salve to body).  Max can tell you when something is Brown and when something is square.  He's still working on D and E.  I think it's because B, C, D & E all sound kind of the same to him.  We've gone to the Zoo already and hope to go again.  He's long been able to count to the # 2.  Beds are mostly being made, but you see, I'm just having a hard time getting out of bed these days.  I hope you understand.

November is all about taking it  all in, savoring what's beautiful and carrying on bit by bit.